People in recovery from alcohol, drugs and other addictions often talk about the moment they realized there might be a way out of their old lifestyle and addiction. They call it a moment of clarity. Many were desperate. Some knew this was not the path they would never choose, but there they were.
Do you remember your Moment of Clarity? I do. Many of my friends in recovery do. Just ask someone in the program, “What was your moment of clarity, when you knew, really knew”.
It’s like asking someone (depending on their age) where they were when the Twin Towers fell or Martin Luther King or JFK or Bobby Kennedy were assassinated or when they experienced watching the first person walking on the moon. Instantly, the memory is front and center of their mind and they can tell you in great detail EXACTLY what they remembered and how they felt and how it changed their lives – forever!
This was mine:
My counselor asked me to see a friend of hers for an alcohol assessment. My issues were not alcohol, I thought. I didn't drink and drive, I never "had too many” (although I did at a party a few weeks before and had actually thrown up – something I had never done, not even in college). I didn't consume alcohol during my pregnancy. I went to see the woman just to prove to my counselor that I didn't have a problem with alcohol.
Randy said she would meet with me three times and then give me her assessment. Towards the end of the first session, she announced that she did not need to see me two more times.
Vindication! I thought. See, I'm not an alcoholic; I don't have a problem!
But what she said next stunned me. "You are heading down a very dangerous road. You're drinking rather than dealing with your feelings. It appears that chemically speaking, you still have a choice about drinking. You might keep that choice for some time but because of all you have told me about your family's history of alcoholism and alcohol abuse, especially your mother, I am greatly concerned for you. It is my opinion that if you continue to drink, the disease of alcoholism will take over, you will lose your choice, and your body will make you drink even if you don't want to. It may not happen tomorrow, you may have perhaps four more drinks, or four years, or even forty years, but it will happen.”
“Imagine playing Russian Roulette, she said – There is a bullet in one of the chambers. You have been spinning the chamber and pulling the trigger, each time so far you missed the bullet. But there is a bullet in the gun and it will come up.
"My advice to you is to stop now while you still have the choice. You may think that you will know which drink in the future will be the one to create complete chemical dependency.” Then she asked me: “do you think you are clever enough to figure out which drink it will be? But you need to know this: Just before you take that drink, the sky will not open up, and God will not make an announcement alerting you that 'This is the drink'."
When a newcomer comes to a meeting, I listen carefully to hear their Moment of Clarity, and I am grateful for mine. When I am down or scared and wondering if sobriety is worth it – I remember my moment.
The topic of ‘Your Moment of Clarity” is a great topic for a meeting.
What was you moment of clarity?
Libbie S.
