My sleep habits are irregular, which means I suppose, that they’re no longer habits: a sign of ageing? Asleep by 10:30, awake at one am, maybe at two, and again at 4:30. Once awakened, I may fall right back to sleep or lie quietly. On occasion, I’m disturbed about this or that, or dogged by a random ache. Mostly, I’m just awake with my thoughts, which some time ago, I began to shape into prayer, searching for a way to speak of God and to God and call His name. From there the words wound themselves against my pain and around my joy. Now, in the dim light of night with my wife asleep or lying still beside me, I lull my soul with this anthem of healing and redemption.
An Addict’s Trinity
To the God of a Thousand Names and No Face, to the Christ, to the Spirit
I. Infinite Being, Infinite Love, Innate Stillness,
The Source, the Essence, the Creator of Creation and my Maker, by whom all that is, is:
I invoke You, I exalt You, I revere You.
I revel in your breath within me, as I awaken to Your perfect care.
To you, I entrust my terrors, turmoil, trials and triumphs;
Dismiss my despair, distress and dismay, my devices, designs, desires and delights;
Shed my secret shame and sadness.
In you I reconcile all the seething resentments I cannot erase;
Release all the nameless anxiety I cannot escape;
Relinquish all the loneliness and longing I cannot endure.
In You, I rejoice in all the love I cannot express.
All this, all that I am, is Yours.
II. Transforming “Yes”, the Master,
by Whom I am settled within myself, compassionate toward others, and intimate with the Holy:
I abandon myself to You,
Bind my “yes” to Yours, to be with You, mirror You, echo You
in every manner of thing, under any condition and at all times.
I am Yours entirely.
III. Extravagant Grace, the Presence
by Whom all hope, forgiveness, courage, honesty, wisdom, peace and love reside in me:
I invest all my hope and trust and confidence in You.
IV. My Petition
Embrace me, calm me, heal me – wounded, frightened, resentful, running, scheming, ridiculous.
Let me be settled, careful, astute, deliberate, brave, kind and happy.
Ignite my love. Infuse me with your grace. Invade my fortress self. Inspire me to your service.
grant us quiet hearts, wise choices, deliberate speed, contagious joy. Amen
-Martin C. P. McElroy, 2015, from Shattered, Anthems of Healing and Rejoicing