The Ultimate Gift

05/04/2016 6:48 PM | Anonymous

I did not get sober on purpose. I was so naïve to recovery, getting sober, addiction, disease  – all of it.  I knew nothing.  And I certainly did not have a problem, I enjoyed using and was not about to stop.  Of course I was defensive because no one was going to tell me what to do.  Besides,  I wasn’t hurting anyone.  Except everyone!!!   At this juncture in my life I was falling apart – mentally, emotionally and physically.  I needed a Band-Aid quickly. In my first few weeks I was  angry, tired, irritated and annoyed. I started to realize the more sober I got that I had a problem, a big problem!! I had a disease of all things. I soon realized however that it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility but my own. I was feeling as overwhelmed as I had ever felt in my life.  Was there really something to this 12- step stuff I keep hearing?  Was it going to make me normal if I followed them? Here is where you get courageous…..

As my mind started to become more clear every day and I started to see the bigger picture…, my thinking really started to change.  I was ready to take a real plunge into this recovery thing and try those steps.  I found an incredible sponsor who started to guide me through the spiritual 12 steps and I loved how I was changing.  By step 4, Yes my feelings and thoughts were as raw as hamburger meat but I knew that meant I was working on some deep things inside of me.  This is where I had to decide if I was going to run from those feelings or work through them.  So I prayed to my Higher Power and I asked for guidance.  It was then that steps 1-3 came flooding back.  Then I had that “Ah ha” moment, “wow this is actually working”.  I have since worked my 4th step and through some individual counseling and an amazing recovery program I am learning about self-acceptance, self-love and self-worth.  I have mended broken relationships and I have also learned how important it is to my recovery that I keep healthy boundaries.  One of my greatest assets are friendships; those true and honest friendships that have helped me through this process.  They are always there for me and are never concerned with my past.  No longer do I have to live in misery and uncertainty. I just celebrated 18 months clean.  Today it feels good to be me. That is the ultimate gift of my recovery.  God Bless and remember……one day at a time! J

Shona S.
Dalton, GA.
Clean Since: 11/1/2014

© Recovery Ministries of the Episcopal Church
Powered by Wild Apricot Membership Software