I did not get sober on purpose. I was so naïve to recovery, getting sober, addiction, disease – all of it. I knew nothing. And I certainly did not have a problem, I enjoyed using and was not about to stop. Of course I was defensive because no one was going to tell me what to do. Besides, I wasn’t hurting anyone. Except everyone!!! At this juncture in my life I was falling apart – mentally, emotionally and physically. I needed a Band-Aid quickly. In my first few weeks I was angry, tired, irritated and annoyed. I started to realize the more sober I got that I had a problem, a big problem!! I had a disease of all things. I soon realized however that it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility but my own. I was feeling as overwhelmed as I had ever felt in my life. Was there really something to this 12- step stuff I keep hearing? Was it going to make me normal if I followed them? Here is where you get courageous…..
As my mind started to become more clear every day and I started to see the bigger picture…..wow, my thinking really started to change. I was ready to take a real plunge into this recovery thing and try those steps. I found an incredible sponsor who started to guide me through the spiritual 12 steps and I loved how I was changing. By step 4, Yes my feelings and thoughts were as raw as hamburger meat but I knew that meant I was working on some deep things inside of me. This is where I had to decide if I was going to run from those feelings or work through them. So I prayed to my Higher Power and I asked for guidance. It was then that steps 1-3 came flooding back. Then I had that “Ah ha” moment, “wow this is actually working”. I have since worked my 4th step and through some individual counseling and an amazing recovery program I am learning about self-acceptance, self-love and self-worth. I have mended broken relationships and I have also learned how important it is to my recovery that I keep healthy boundaries. One of my greatest assets are friendships; those true and honest friendships that have helped me through this process. They are always there for me and are never concerned with my past. No longer do I have to live in misery and uncertainty. I just celebrated 18 months clean. Today it feels good to be me. That is the ultimate gift of my recovery. God Bless and remember……one day at a time! J
Clean Since: 11/1/2014