Recently I came across a piece of paper on which was written, The Lakota Way of Strength and Courage." It begins like this: “I will always be thankful for any amount of good health I have. I will always be grateful to wake up to a new day. …I will not let the good or the bad of the past own me, but I will let it teach me...I will never forget those who have helped me along the way, and I will endeavor to forgive those who tried to hinder me…..”

I have read this more than once since I first got it and it fascinates me in terms of my own recovery. In the beginning I was neither thankful nor grateful. Also, as time passed and I slowly began to come out of the fog and into recovery, I learned from others about my old behavior and attitudes which brought to my attention just “where I came from.”  Initially, I had the attitude and belief that “I’m not that bad.” “I never did that .” “No matter how drunk or high I would never have…” "Oh yeah?”

I have not been nice about a few of my acquaintances who have forgotten just where they came from. To listen to them one would think they arrived in this world with a silver spoon in their mouth. Just because I remember where I came from physically is not the same as where did I come from in terms of my sobriety and my addiction.

I did not like my first A.A. meeting because they were sharing stories that hit home to me and I did not want to hear it. In fact, it took another ten to twelve years before I was able to hear about where I had come from.

As I grew into the program, I realized more and more that my initial attempts at the steps were a farce, were completely superficial as I attempted to just ‘look good” and get away with superficiality. My superficiality was like a banana peel on which I slipped and fell into the darkness of a dry drunk for a few years. Trying to forget or ignore where I came from was keeping me from growing, keeping me from taking a daily inventory, keeping me from the ‘maintenance of my spiritual condition.”

“You really want me to tell you what you did?” asked a friend to whom I had gone to make some amends. I was not prepared for his honesty nor his compassion. I listened. Then I had to remember there were others who told me things I denied but they never quite went away. As I became willing to entertain the possibility that I did XY& Z then my mind was open to hear what else I may have done, what other amends did I have to make?

In the sayings of the Buddha I read, “Do not make light of your failings, saying, “What are they to me?” A jug fills drop by drop, so the fool becomes brimful of folly.” How often in my early years had I participated in a drunkalogue, “Let me tell you…” and we laughed. Yes, I remembered the past only as a way of having a better story than the other person. Then, as I really remembered where I came from, those stories had to be put away; the stories that I could no longer verify their truthfulness I stopped telling. Instead, I began to remember where I came from with a deeper sense of humility, a sense of connection to others, an awareness of my humanity. Where I came from was that place many of us have been, dark and empty.

“It’s Okay. I’ve been there, done that. Hang in with us and you will be okay.” This is the importance of “I will never forget where I came from.” Remembering where I came from is the place where I can intersect with the newcomer who is still in the dark and I can be there to bring the message of hope that others brought to me. Now, I remember.