I am fortunate in that I have not been hospitalized for any period of time. But with age moving us on its never-ending path of deterioration of body parts, at age 82 it doesn’t seem all that surprising that I just came off a 10-day hospital stay to correct a leaky valve, stabilize my heart rate, and install a pacemaker to monitor all this. The recuperation has been slower than I wished. But I know I’m on the right track. I also know that the recovery probably would be a lot more comfortable (especially to my family caregivers) if I just “let go and let God.” And I know from a medical standpoint, that my progress of recovery would be faster.

This alcoholic has always fought delays (defined as not getting something done as fast as I want it). It’s that old demand: “I want it done ... now.” It doesn’t matter that there are unavoidable delays or that others may have projects with more important shorter timelines than mine.

I think this behavior of mine is just another reflection of my ego always seeking to “run the show, that I can complete an assignment faster and better than others.” We forget that life’s normal traps catch us. We must remember that those traps can produce self-pity and resentments and pretty soon we recall that in the past, we resorted to the only remedy we had. We found a phony comfort and solace in that alcoholic behavior. We covered-up our feelings and didn’t seek real life positive remedies for this cycle which always ended in our dark pit of alcoholism and its familiar consequences.

Yes, I was in the hospital and now I am learning to walk with a walker, to regain 20 pounds, and accept the wonderful kindnesses of friends and family.  I think I have learned another lessen and accept (most days) other ramifications.

But, I need to constantly remember to let go and let God, “easy does it”, to take it “a day at a time,” and all the other teachings of the Big Book and working our way through the Twelve Steps.

Jim A/St. X Noon<</p>

P.S. There are many lessons experienced during a period of complicated medical treatment. I’ll pass along a couple in future writings. JRA