You know who they are—the gang that met at The Antlers after work, the neighborhood lush and expert outdoor griller, the brother-in-law, the couple you spent those skiing weekends with, and on and on. They’re the ones who will notice you aren’t drinking. They may ask “why” did you stop? They may really quiz you about this for the unspoken truth is that they fear they may be on the same slippery slope.
This is what I think about all this stuff. When I came in, I decided to cease fraternizing with those with whom I drank—close friends, been through a lot together, maybe a sister or brother, roommate. You spent a good deal of time baring your soul probably with that garbled fuzzy drunken lilt.
Quickly, I learned I should be deciding how to deal with my past “people, places and things.” The Program tells us we need to start looking for new friendships—ones who empathize with your illness, who are not afraid of developing a spiritual life, people who are aware of the trials and tribulations of others. In a word, you want to start associating with those who are interested in developing a higher quality of life whose values aren’t focused essentially on an alcoholic self-destruction. For the truth is that the unchecked alcoholic’s life will be destroyed by his or her alcoholism. There simply no other way out of this quagmire.
Where do you find these new friends and companions? At the thousands of Alcoholic Anonymous meetings. And don’t tell me “they are not like me”—no job or education degree, some don’t have any visual means of support, or an education degree, maybe their spouse just left and took the kids, or they live in a half-way house, I have a “hard time just conversing with them.”
Well, don’t sweat it. They’re drunks just like you. All that sadness is right out there. It’s knocking on the front door about to come in and turn your life upside down. You’ve earned all that grief by your alcoholic abuse of substances.
Just as you found that your drinking habits were easier protected by sticking with others of similar ways of living, so you need to shift your daily routines from folks like yourself who have learned to manage their lives without the haze this addiction provides. No, you need to find a new pack to run with, a sober one, one that is seeking new ways of living, who really do have a desire to grow a spiritual life, whose lives aren’t dominated by that daily endless cocktail “hour.”
So, get rid of that that old life and the people in it and get on with working the Program. Keep coming back for it really does work if you work it.
Jim A/St X Noon, Cincinnati
