Through the Red Door Blog

Merry Christmas!

Hopefully, you woke up sober, grateful and fully present on this special morning. Recovery, be it from alcohol, drugs, codependency, pornography, gambling or any other soul-stealing addiction, robs us of our ability to be fully present on days like today, Personally, once I became sober and then began my recovery journey, my experience around holidays changed for the better.

You may be blessed to spend time with family today, gathering with the people you love to open gifts. One of my greatest joys was to watch my children open their gifts on Christmas morning. It was so amazing to see the wonder and awe in their eyes as they awoke to find what Santa had delivered while they slept. Then the joy as they unwrapped gifts. Oh, the faith of children!

I wonder if it is possible to transfer the promises of recovery into our Christmas experience? Most 12 Step Programs have some version of the Promises of Recovery. These twelve promises appeared in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on pages 83 and 84, describing the result of working the program of AA. Is it possible that the promises, as they are being fulfilled in each of us, are worth unwrapping this Christmas morning?

Tradition and scripture tell us that hundreds of years ago wise men from the East brought gifts to the Christ child to celebrate his arrival. The fulfillment of a promise. Their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh are often referred to symbolically in our faith tradition, each one representing an aspect of the work and personhood of Jesus. There seems to be a natural association with these gifts and the gifts we receive as we recover.

The Gift of Surrender - Gold is most often symbolic of kingship or associated with a ruler. In recovery, we accept that there is a Higher Power and it is not us. The act of surrender initially brings relief from the pressure so many of us in recovery feel to be perfect, to control everything and manage our image. As we deepen our recovery, surrender becomes a daily if not moment by moment gift of partnership - the most valuable weapon in our battle against our shadow self.

Just as gold is expensive and valuable, our ability to daily surrender to our Higher Power becomes an indispensable asset which releases the power to transform our lives. Surrender ensures our path to freedom from our addiction, lays the groundwork for our happiness, puts our past in a proper perspective, and serenity becomes a present reality. What an amazing gift!

The Gift of Gratitude - Frankincense was used as a perfume in Jesus ’ time. As I am around people in recovery I find myself grateful for them and the role they play in my life. Just as the Magi brought a beautiful aromatic perfume to the Christ child, the lives of those of us in recovery become increasingly pleasing and attractive to the people who, perhaps, once could not stand to see us.

As we lose the desire to be self-seeking, we become less inclined to experience self-pity, we begin to love others from a place of mutual respect and dignity, and our attitude on life begins to brighten. We suddenly look around us and realize our fears of being alone have been replaced with a community of people who love and accept us for who we are - character defects and all.

The Gift of Purpose - Finally, myrrh is often seen to symbolize suffering and many believe it to be a foreshadowing of Jesus ’ death. The ultimate promise of recovery is that our old way of life, ruled so often by chaos, lies, and self-inflicted wounds will begin to painfully die off. It will be replaced with a new life rooted in sanity, common sense, gratitude, and an appreciation that our Higher power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Jesus himself doubled down on this concept so beautifully in the Message translation from Matthew 16: 24-26.

“Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You ’re not in the driver ’s seat; I am. Don ’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I ’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?”

This Christmas may you be reminded that the greatest gift we could give ourselves and our loved ones is our restored, recovered life. May we look back at our past and realize what it cost us. However, may we also realize what our recovery has provided - we have regained what makes us most alive, our souls.

I would unwrap that gift each morning.

Wouldn ’t you?

Shane M.
Conway, Arkansas

The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson

Sometimes, we needed several trips to rehab centers. There we were told what we would have to do to develop an effective program to rid ourselves of our addictive habits and their consequences ... and during our final conferences each time we left rehab we solemnly promised to “really try this time.”

But “trying” is the WRONG promise. “Trying” doesn’t cut it. We’ve proved that following other rehab discharges. It’s not an “all-in” commitment. We’re holding back and reserving an option to “go back out,” to escape to the old ways. When “we try,” we did things like this:

I feel good. “One won’t hurt. I know what to do.”

I’ll try by dropping martinis, and switch to scotch and water. But soon, water dropped as part of that recipe.

Didn’t work, so I’ll try some wine, but wine just made me sick. Anyway, “sip sip sip,” hardly what I was looking for.

Still looking to try something, anything, we might remember our old stand-by. “Beer! That’s it. Everyone drinks a lot of beer. I can’t get as out of control as I did with gin or scotch.”

I even sought my Higher Power’s Grace at Communion, asking humbly and with head bowed ... “Please teach me drink normally, just one or two, just a normal drinking regimen.”

So much for “trying.” Trying only left us in the old similar deplorable position - out of options, at that crossroads of seeking help and surrendering, OR continuing on that downward slide to our inevitable destruction. I finally was serious about the program and saw this as an issue and simply sought help (i.e., ‘I surrendered’). But I couldn’t shout from the roof-tops that “this time I really meant it!” Been there, done that, double-crossing folks that actually believed that I was going to “try.”

So this time, before I came out of my rehab program, I spent a goodly amount of planning time looking at the local “where and when” - searching for meetings convenient as to time and place. I stuck with discussion meetings (and still do) - all the better to learn to speak up about issues I was to encounter. I quickly narrowed the search as I found a meeting at noon, five days a week, a block and a half from my office and attended, and because they told me to do so - “90 in 90.” I found a sponsor right away and kept busy between meetings by reading and studying the Big Book. I studied and worked the Steps. It wasn’t too long before my sponsor asked if I would be interested in helping to lead a meeting at a Court-ordered lock-down rehab program for persons with several police citations for driving while intoxicated. That was just what I was looking for. I also sought a non-AA counselor who helped me talk through some related issues - very helpful and I highly recommend this specific commitment.

I’m now in my 20th year - by not “trying” but “doing” the Program which with my ever-loving gratitude, provided a way to deal with an addiction enabling me to deal with life without seeking my drug of choice, a serene happy life.

So, the key point of all this is: Don’t tell your rehab counselor or your family or your employer you will “try” this time. For sobriety’s sake - JUST DO IT!

Jim A./ Covington Kentucky

Feast of St. Nicholas, St. Mark’s 12 step Eucharist, December 4, 2019

If you have been at this 12 step Eucharist previously on the first Wednesday in December, you have heard a homily about St. Nikolas.  I apologize right now because you are going to hear about him now for the third time. I am powerless when it comes to St. Nikolas.  He has just been a too important figure in my life. You might say that in December, I replace my addiction to alcohol for an addiction for St. Nikolas. 

Very little is known of the life of Nicholas, bishop of Myra who lived in Asia Minor around 342. He is the patron of seafarers, sailors and more especially of children. As a bearer of gifts to children, his name was brought to America by the Dutch colonists in New York where he popularly became known as Santa Claus.

The feast day of St. Nicholas has been celebrated in our family as a major holiday since my sobriety. We have a big family meal together. My husband dresses up as Bishop Nicholas with a beard, a miter, and crozier and long red stole and comes to visit our grandchildren after dinner. He speaks Greek to the children and the adults. Speaking Greek is my husband’s favorite pastime, and of course you know that Nikolas was Greek. Nike the Greek! Then our grandchildren go into the bedrooms and leave their shoes outside the doors and Bishop Nicholas leaves chocolate coins and presents in their shoes. I won’t bore you with our pictures of this family event, but they are stunning.

Why am I sharing with you our family story? For the last several years on this feast day, I sit and watch this pageant and am filled with so much gratitude, for my sobriety date is close to the feast day of St. Nicholas. Each year I know that if someone had not led me to a recovery program, I would not be alive tonight.  I would not be witnessing this wonderful blessing of seeing my children and grandchildren giggle with glee as they try to respond to a beautiful old man with a fake beard speaking Greek to them and secretly giving them candy in their shoes. For me it is a yearly reminder to keep working these 12 steps so I can be around for another feast day of St. Nicholas.

This is just a suggestion. Look at the calendar of saints. Find one close to your sobriety date. Learn about that saint. Observe that saint’s day in your home, in your life. You may just consider that saint as your patron saint. This is just one more way to remember how our lives have been transformed by our sobriety. Spend that saint’s day giving thanks for those before you who loved you before you were born with a love that only comes from the love of the God of our understanding. St. Nikolas reminds us that God uses every possible tool to keep us clean and sober.  Give Thanks and Enjoy.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Thanksgiving Day, 2019

Today is Thanksgiving, a good day for me to express gratitude for the blessings of recovery. A couple of weeks ago, at the last minute, I was asked to speak on a Wednesday night in my home group; it’d been a couple of years since I’d told my story in that room. In my head, I had reviewed the high points and contours of what I wanted to say. Then, during the opening business, I got nervous, wondering “how am I going to get this thing started?” I said a quick prayer for guidance.

When the chair introduced me, she simply said, “telling his story tonight is our Paul.” It was one of those God moments, and everything fell into place. Because, if I was “our Paul” to them, then they surely were “my people” to me. We belonged together. And in those few seconds, my story that night became a story about connectivity.

When I was active, having a connection was the name of the game. Eventually, it was the only thing that mattered. Any generosity of heart or sense of sharing that may have been present in the early days had vanished. I was leading a selfish life in almost complete isolation. Even if I managed to have a connection, I wasn’t connected…to anything or anyone. Through the grace of God, that was then, and this is now.

Today is Thanksgiving, and one of my companions in recovery died this morning. Paul was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia about a year ago. The chemotherapy that flooded his body knocked his immune system for a loop, making it impossible for him to be around a lot of people. When his health allowed, his sponsor arranged for a small group of us to bring a meeting to him.

We were a small and relatively consistent group. As we gathered around our friend whose own sense of joy in his recovery was undimmed, despite unimaginable trails, things began to change. We came to know each other in profound ways.

Guys in those meetings took risks in their shares. I trusted them enough to step up my game, too. I didn’t think that I had many judgments or barriers, but how wrong I was! By learning to see others more clearly and allow myself to be seen more fully, I found myself connected in a new way, part of a band of brothers who knew and trusted each other.

I saw Paul about a week before he died. I thanked him for his generosity of spirit in sharing so much of his suffering and hope with us, showing me how to become more comfortable in my own skin and connected more deeply to those around me. It was our last conversation.

Today is Thanksgiving, and among the flurry of text messages after Paul’s death, one of our number wrote “Thanks to all of you, for showing me how to love, succeed, fail and suffer with other people, all the while being a part of.”

Today is Thanksgiving, and I am more grateful than I can say for Paul, and for being a part of this group of faithful friends with whom God has connected me.

Paul J.

“If you’re looking for a miracle now Buddy, you better be one All alone, on your own.” Kris Kirstofferson.

How often have we heard that phrase “If you want to see a miracle, be one.” I had no idea what it meant when I first heard it. When I listened, really listened to the words of Kirstofferson’s song “Let the walls come down” and then it made sense. “Let the walls come down, Let the love come through, when it all comes down, It’s up to me and you.”

I remember complaining about an AA member who visited our group regularly and told his story. I made the comment that I was tired of listening to him talk about his feelings. The person to whom I complained got to the point: “Seamus, he is more free in jail than you are walking the streets.” I was the one locked up within myself.

Despite all the therapy I’d been through, there was still that wall, that distance that protected me from others. Then, bit by bit the walls came tumbling down. They had to. I was dying of loneliness and aloneness even in a crowd.

I could talk a good talk about being powerless over alcohol, over people, places and things. I admitted I needed a H.P. and I found one. I worked the steps but something was missing. The message had not been transmitted from my head to my heart. There was a wall there that was porous and feelings were beginning to eek through and I was uncomfortable.

The issues of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic -- Don’t think, Don’t talk, Don’t feel, Don’t trust -- were deeply imbedded in me. Don’t think about what’s going on inside the house; don’t talk about what you see or hear (family secrets); don’t feel (and you won’t hurt); don’t trust (anyone but yourself).

I was about three in the program when I first read a book on ACOA issues. I read the signs and identified with nineteen of the twenty signs. Yes, I was not only an alcoholic, I was an ACOA. In my situation, a parent who did not drink – a hardworking, church going, alcohol hating person who had a great sense of humor.

“Let the walls come down. Let the Love come through.” To be the miracle I had to do the work I told and taught others to do. I feigned emotion and got away with it but I was the one who got hurt by the pretending.

When dawn broke this morning, I felt grateful for another good night of peaceful sleep. I felt grateful for another day of wonderment and awe. I pulled back the curtains and looked out into what I now call “God’s art gallery”  and watched God’s handiwork in motion. I took a handful of nuts and spread them along the fence for my sentient brother- a squirrel - who has taken to visit in the early morning and late afternoon. 

“Let the love come through.” This was not always easy. Love was, I thought at one time, a rather fickle emotion. Then I came to understand it as a decision, a commitment to love myself – warts and all; love other people, places, and things. Love opened my heart to forgiving self and others as I revisited the steps and discovered what I missed the first couple of times. Love was the spiritual awakening that assisted my seeing the world through a kaleidoscope, an awe inspiring view of colors; a world that was no longer black and white.

“Don’t leave till the miracle happens” an old guy once said. Then I heard another say “Don’t leave after the miracle happens.” Today, the miracle happens each morning, afternoon, evening and night as I keep the walls level with the ground, keep my heart and mind open to new insights, increase my hope and trust in self, others and my Higher Power. The miracle is that I did not do this on my own. The miracle for me is that I responded to my Higher Power prodding me into the light and love I had always sought but could not find on my own. My H.P. gave me the wisdom to respond and I am grateful to have done so.

“And you can’t free nobody else if you can’t be true to yourself. If you’re looking for a miracle now buddy, you better be one, all alone, on your own.” Kristofferson wrote a wonderful song. It could have been great if he had realized we are not alone when we respond to the call,“Let the walls come down, Let the Love come through.”

Whatever we hold on to, that’s what we’ve got - only that much. Maezumi Roshi

At first, this anonymous stuff carries a negative connotation, sorta’ “I’m so ashamed of myself.” Some of us see ourselves as bad persons and we have to hide our efforts to clean up our act and accept that we are addicted to substances that have come close to ruining our lives. So, we may wish to claim secrecy (anonymity) as we struggle down our path of recovery. For the brand-new person, this anonymity may be just what is needed - period of quiet reflection, and meditation if you will, to understand and accept the essence of the Program, to replace those “people, places and things” that contributed to our addiction and whose continued allegiance by the addict will only serve as threats to our sobriety and perhaps to our new found serenity. It’s also a good time to quietly take the first steps toward searching and strengthening our relations with our Higher Power.

The addict is undergoing a real restructuring of his or her life - habits, friends, ways of thinking, one’s value structure, our spiritual lives - it’s all under our microscope. We are fundamentally changing the proposition that we are the most important people in the room. We have to learn that “it’s not all about me” and this doesn’t come about by the wave of a hand. It takes practice - conversations with our sponsor, our home group, our families. It takes work on our relationships we have harmed.

But all this ignores something that is frequently present at our moments of surrender. Many already knew of our malady. They may have been embarrassed by it. Some may have guessed an addiction of some kind was causing our aberrant behavior and it’s generally true that those folks will be happy that you have seen your problem and are stepping up to do something about it. They are thankful.

In fact, in today’s social scene, it is not surprising that a conversation might go like this: Friend says, “Notice you aren’t drinking, how come?” You say, “Well, frankly, it was becoming a problem.” Friend, after reflective pauses, “Really? Good for you! What have you done to deal with it?” You then might provide a very brief summary of the steps of your program. But, your friend interrupts, and says, “Say, I have a sister who seems to have a problem” You, “Well it is a major problem today , ‘specially when it gets all tied-up with drugs.” More contemplative pauses from Friend, who then says, “Could we talk over lunch about all this?

There! See how you can find yourself in the middle of “carrying the message?” And, frankly, with advice from one’s sponsor, it’s possible an early arriver to the Program can have that conversation.

So, “Anonymous”? ... Yes, but there may be exceptions in some situations.

There is another reason our founders insisted on anonymity. Somehow some knew of the failed efforts of a group in the middle of the nineteenth century who had made good progress developing a program that was providing an effective regimen for the addict. Known as the Washingtonians, after some degree of success, the members decided to publicize their successes and ride the public speakers’ circuit preaching the gospel of recovery by following Washington‘s methodology.

Many returned to their addiction and the organization failed.

Why? There probably were several reasons but the AA Old Timers saw the collapse as a return to the ego, a glorification by the speakers of themselves: “Look what I have done, look at me, I tell you to follow me and, you will succeed!” This ego thing always is raising its head of importance.

Our surrender process cuts to the heart of our addiction. We always tried to cure our addiction ourselves, uninterested in any outside assistance. We learned we couldn’t solve the problem to please someone else. Our whole outlook was dominated by ego’s bloat ... ME FIRST!”

So, we have found that with the “Anonymous” approach, we have a chance for success.

Jim A./Covington, Kentucky

Surrender results in a change in perception. We realize that our selfish, self-centered addictions, afflictions and compulsive behaviors have cut us off from God and have left us in a dark, lonely prison of hopelessness and despair.  -Wally P., Back to the Basics of Recovery, 1999

For most of my life the biggest road block to my recovery from sex, love, and pornography addiction was looking me straight in the mirror. In the height of my acting out, my life centered around what I wanted, when I wanted it, and with whom I wanted it. I had little concern over the consequences of my actions or the emotional impact such behaviors might have on others. All I remember is the powerful sense of urgency - yes hunger - to fill that void deep within. A longing inevitably followed by the cycle of shame, guilt, and self hatred.

My recovery began once my perspective changed.

I went from looking in the mirror to looking inside. What a frightening and beautiful exploration! When I came to see myself for who I really was - a flawed, imperfect human being - it became much easier to surrender to the reality that there is a God and I am not He, She or It! I began to realize, as I worked the 12 Step Program of Recovery, that my self will and ego resulted in a bottleneck of spiritual power. The inner work required by my program allowed me to move out of denial and into reality. I could no longer pretend to be something I was not.

Steps One, Two and Three required me to not only admit I was powerless but to embrace it as well. Those are two very different things. One was a mental exercise (which I had conducted each time I quit my addiction) and the other was an act of the heart. It was the desperate surrender of a drowning man who had to accept that continuing to do things my way would not end well.

As I recover, I choose to lean into my powerlessness, knowing that the more I embrace it, the stronger my recovery grows. Embracing my powerlessness is surrendering to the reality that my best effort to manage my life endangered my family, brought about my divorce, left me unemployed, arrested, and publicly shamed. But in doing so I exercised the courage to reclaim the power which I allowed my addiction to steal from me. As strange as it may seem, accepting my limitations laid a foundation upon which to build my new recovery life.

The embrace of powerlessness brought the gift of faith into the life of a once life-long evangelical. Surrender allowed a shift from “hunger” to “hope” to occur and has become a day by day (minute by minute) work of the spirit. Today I am able to see that surrender does not imply that I am a loser. Rather, as one person in recovery once said, “Surrender just means you are smart enough to join the winning team.” -Shane M.

A couple newcomers to our fellowship brought this topic for discussion.  Those early days and months can be confusing. I felt there was so much to learn and then one had to figure out how to bring this life-changing knowledge into his or her daily life. Progress appeared to be slow. Sometimes it seemed I should take notes when I observed some making notes in a journal – maybe keeping a journal wasn’t a bad idea.

Some said that the early days were tough for we may have still felt guilty, ashamed, broken in spirit, deeply remorseful, in fact, maybe genuine appropriate feelings. The answer to this was always, “don’t dwell on the past.” Some didn’t arrive at our rooms easily – it may have been court-ordered or prompted by a non-negotiable ultimatum from an employer or family member. 

What I learned, and this was just my reaction, is that the Program’s map of the journey to sobriety and serenity was a path of some length, with twists and turns, failures here and there, and constant attention to the Program ‘s teachings. I heard at one early meeting that as we worked the Steps, we in essence would be changing our social mores and practices, probably dropping personal relationships with some friends, even reevaluating one’s life values.

But of course, sometimes there is a feeling of disbelief that you found yourself at an AA meeting at all:

“I’m not as bad as some of these folks here – still have my job, wife and kids, no DUI, auto accidents. My goodness, all I need to learn is a few ways to drink normally, just one or maybe two at a party.”

And, as I continued my attendance, I found much relief: Everyone said that we needed to “let go and let God,” “easy does it," “keep it simple,” and a whole raft of other seemingly over-simplifications of my feelings and frustrations in these early days. One thought that meant a lot was the idea that the Program sought to remove that feeling of concentration solely on myself – I was not the most important person in life, they said saving my inflated ego was not life’s number one priority.

Then they starting discussing the importance of a spirit-based life. Take prayer for example: the Big Book talks about our seeking God’s will for us and the courage to follow that will – removing our ego as the author of God’s Will, rather – “Thy Will, not mine.” Then they said the group can serve as our “Higher Power.” Talk about confusion!

The successful ones made one thing absolutely clear. Never give up. Keep at it. Go to a lot of meetings, not one or two a week – 90 in 90 –and not just lead meetings but mostly discussion meetings where you can learn  as did Bill and Dr. Bob that the purpose of these meetings is for one alcoholic to talk to another alcoholic and to learn from other alcoholics how they successfully found sobriety and serenity.

Yes, go to meetings, especially when you don’t want to go. Call your sponsor, read the Big Book, reach out to others especially newcomers, for you are going through the same thicket of ideas... and remember the Big Book’s promise: “Sobriety and serenity will always materialize if we but work for it”

Jim A., Covington, Kentucky

“The humility generated in recovery is the ability to admit that when it comes to the core questions about who you are and why you are here on this planet the only honest answer is, “I don’t know.” “Humility…is living the question without settling on an answer.”(1)

“Can you tell me…?” That was sufficient for me to get into a history lesson. If the question was “Is it going to rain today?” The answer might be a lesson on condensation or climate change. The deeper I got into my addiction, the surer I was of who I was, what I wanted, what I knew. Sadly, that was only on the outside. On the inside I lived in fear of the answer being wrong; of people discovering I didn’t know what I was talking about; was stupid, a con-artist. I can still remember being told: “You don’t have to give a lecture in order to answer a question.” I had no idea I was doing that either. I was just so afraid, I had to talk.

I live in so much doubt about self, others, God, I had to have an answer; I had to let others see that I knew what was going on; why things were, etc. I had to have some kind of an answer in order to look good, to seem intelligent.

My fears caused me to read a lot (something I didn’t learn to do till I was a senior in High School. That’s another story.) I was driven by fear; fear of God, fear of being seen as a con-artist, as being stupid, fear of “not knowing” the correct answer.

In early recovery I highlighted and memorized lines in the Big Book in order to quote them at the next meeting so that I could be seen as being intelligent; “with it,” “committed to recovery.” I read as much as I could get about the history of A.A., its spirituality, etc. All head knowledge.

One day I was told, “You know you don’t have to know everything.” I responded, “that’s true.” But I told myself: “If you only knew me, you’d know I have to have the right answer.”

And then came the time, a few years into the program, I finally could relax and say, “I don’t know. I haven’t got a clue.” Freedom. Breathe deep and relax. The world didn’t come to an end and lightening didn’t strike. It’s okay not to know (and I think it’s okay to say, “I don’t know” in order to let another answer the question. I don’t have to be the one to answer the questions. There are times it feels good to say; “You ought to ask….”

“Humility…is living the question without settling on an answer.” I once read that “the only true answer is another question.” That made perfect sense. Each answer leads me to something bigger, something deeper, something greater.

“Why is God not mentioned in step two?” The answer to this led to me find an answer that made sense for me which, in turn, helped me turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Her. “Why can’t I go to confession to a priest?” This led to a deeper understanding of step four and a real healing in step five.

And then there were the questions I have to live with: “I’m an alcoholic because?” “Why me, not my sister?” “Why is it that some people relapse, or relapse and die after years of sobriety?” “Why is there not a cure for this disease?” “Why do people…..”

So many questions for which, as yet, there are no answers or even partial answers. With sobriety I have learned to live with questions and be comfortable in not only not knowing answers but that I don’t have to have an answer. Sobriety brought me peace of mind.

(1)   RECOVERY- the sacred art. Rami Shapiro. 43

We carry thoughts of Gratitude all day, every day of our recovery, and that’s as it should be.

Sometimes our Gratitude comes to the front of our memory at a meeting as someone expresses relief from past conduct and its shame and sorrow, its black cloud. It’s that relief we receive, free of charge from our Higher Power’s Grace.

Sometimes it came on a holiday, such as a July Fourth celebration, or the distant echoing of “TAPS” at a service for a fallen police officer or firefighter and we are grateful for the selflessness of their bravery and devotion to those they protect.

Days of a religious nature also seem to call on us to remember and we see that the Grace we receive from our Higher Power is exactly that – it’s “free,” no strings attached, and it seems to arise just at the moment when we might have a need for it.

I see Gratitude when newcomers appear and take that first step of commitment. They feel as we all did – a relief, something taken off our shoulders, we see light ahead and the privilege of literally starting our lives over without baggage and even including a plan to grow that feeling, to grow in our spiritual being and to undertake regular Twelve Step work.

Our kids and grand-kids prompt a swelling of our hearts. Running through life seemingly without a care in the world, their growth as they move through the teens and early adult-hood – and doing so with that same joy they encountered as a kid running and playing.

I have a Gratitude for the Traditions – we come to meetings and don’t vote on agendas, motions, approval of minutes or election of officers. We can listen to others speaking without a “hidden agenda,” all of us seeking only a “happy, joyous and free life” way of life.

That brings to mind the Gratitude I see in the range and timing of our meetings. Any time, any day, any city or village, county, state, country – one can find a meeting. When we try other meetings, we see the Gratitude of others we don’t see in our usual home group.

I think of Bill and Dr. Bob, the “Old-timers” – those who came before us and carved out of whole cloth a way of life without relying on any additive substances to get us through life’s sudden hurt. They are Saints.

And our loved ones and those that stood behind us during our dark days of pain and rage – spouses, family, friends, employers. It’s a journey to sobriety, sometimes scared by a return to the “old ways” but they joined our journey and shared in its joys and trials.

... and we are Grateful for all this and more, especially for the serenity we gain as we work the program day-by-day.

Jim A. – Covington, Kentucky